I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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