He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
