I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my shit smells like andre
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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