Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
