The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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