You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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