The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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