P.S. I can't hear my feet
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
