I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
