He kissed a someone with a penis
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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