that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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