we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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