make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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