**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
