I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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