Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
