I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
