matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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