if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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