I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
