I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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