I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
