Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Boobs speak an international language.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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