Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
