garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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