I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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