he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have fence marks all over my body
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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