all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
