I wish I could punch you in the face.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
