now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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