Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
ttyl tear gas
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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