how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
