I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
