I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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