I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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