we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
