So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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