bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
