Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize