My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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