Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
