I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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