and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
