Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
