can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
