his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
