Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
