Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
