hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
