I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
