Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This is classic penis vs brain.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Drake has all the answers
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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