I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm jealous of your bromance
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
