Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
