I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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