How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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