I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
