she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
