Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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