i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
