dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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