i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
