I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ugly people sure do ruin things
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
