I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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