You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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