she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
false alarm, still single
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