she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
high people should be assigned attendants
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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