She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
this hospital has no fireball
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
