I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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