I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
