saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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