My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
