If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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