If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I believe in your delicious
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
