guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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