You really coming over, don't trick.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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