I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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