ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
