Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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