I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
