I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
