I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
