Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
