and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
