my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
