Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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