My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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