Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
