Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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