I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
