thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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