i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize